she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
