i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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