Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize