things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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