Your tits are I can't wait for
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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