I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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