i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
