and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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