i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
