He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
