that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
