O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You smell like a Billy Joel song
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize