Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What a dumb baby whore.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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