i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's just like the Real World with babies
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
