New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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