Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
