what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize