I'm so fucking centered right now
i permit you to call me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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