last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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