I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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