First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
