Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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