Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
