Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I would ride that face into the sunset
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
