Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
