WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
