I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
