I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
