My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
