Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
