you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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