So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she looked like the before picture.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize