good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
