R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
