My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
