Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
