She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
