Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
