the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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