Where did you get a picture of my penis
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
