I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
