I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
