just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
