Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
