Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
