i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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