my sisters under your porch take her home
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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