dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
