I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
