I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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