i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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