i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
