I think I just saw someone hide a body.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize