we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
high people should be assigned attendants
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
