I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
