i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
