I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There are leaves in my underwear?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
