true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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