I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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