i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
