so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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