Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
