Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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