the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize